Kick the Drink Easily! Read online

  When you stop, you actually return to normal. We never needed alcohol before we started drinking; the need arose afterwards. I remember going to parties as a child and I did not need alcohol to enjoy myself. I never feared that Christmas or my birthday would be a disaster without alcohol. I never thought that one day I would reach the stage where I would panic at the thought of not being able to drink alcohol on my birthday; that the very thought of celebrating New Year without alcohol would scare the life out of me; that just contemplating the idea of going out at the weekend without drinking would make me miserable. I never thought I would become so lethargic and tired that my main source of pleasure would come from a bottle. I never thought that I would ever become dependent on a drug; that I would reach the stage where my confidence would be so shattered that I wouldn’t be able talk to my friends without having a drink. When I was a child I never thought I would end up like the adults I saw.

  If you were at a children’s birthday party do you honestly think that they would be happier if they had some alcohol inside them? If you saw a child crying would you give them a drink to cheer them up? If you saw a child laughing would you give them a drink so that they could get even happier? Do you think that by giving a hyperactive child alcohol they would become relaxed? Of course you wouldn’t because you would know for certain that alcohol would not relax them or make them happy; it would simply stupefy them. Would they enjoy that stupefied state? How could they? It would no longer be them. They would not be feeling any genuine feelings any more as alcohol numbs all the senses. The magnificent machine that is the human body would now be malfunctioning. When alcohol hits the brain it deprives us of our natural senses, leaving us unprotected and vulnerable. If you gave a child alcohol on their birthday, not only would they not get any genuine enjoyment but they would also miss that birthday. The alcohol would deprive them of that experience forever. How can you truly experience any emotion when you do not have access to your genuine feelings?

  Children do not need alcohol to enjoy themselves so why do we feel the need? Why do we feel as though our lives would no longer be complete without alcohol? Why do we feel that something would be missing if we stopped drinking? It is because of the alcohol itself that we have these feelings. The alcohol creates our fears. We were complete before we started taking alcohol; it is only the drug itself that gave us the feeling of inadequacy. This means that drinkers experience a constant void and they try to fill that void with the very thing that created it in the first place. While they continue to believe they are not complete without alcohol, they will never feel truly complete, even if they stop.

  Alcohol is a depressant that appears to cheer people up but only to the person ‘under the influence,’ not to a sober person. It is only the perception of the person drinking alcohol that has been changed, not those they come in contact with. I know that when I was sober and tried talking to someone who was drunk, the last thing I wanted was to feel the way they did. I could see they were not really happy. They were in a stupefied state. I could not communicate with them and it was not even worth talking to them because I could see clearly that it was not the real person. I was fooled into believing that this is what drink did but was convinced it never did that to me. After all, I felt better when I had a drink, or so I thought. Once alcohol enters the brain your perception changes. You feel a false sense of pleasure and of being in control. You actually believe you are happier. If you are with other addicts it appears normal as everybody is experiencing the same feeling, but what is this feeling anyway and do we ever really enjoy it? What true pleasure do we get from an alcoholic drink? If we had to sell it could we do it?

  I remember my first experience of getting drunk. I was about ten years old and I drank some wine. The feeling was awful. The room was spinning, I felt sick and vomited. I felt completely out of control. The next day I felt as though I had been run over by a steamroller. I never enjoyed it for one second. So, did the feeling change as I got older? No, the drug isn’t different, just my perception, along with the many lies I concocted to deceive myself. The only difference was that my body had built up an immunity to and tolerance of the drug, so it took a lot more alcohol for me to reach that state. The first few drinks at lunchtime were just topping up the low feeling I went through in the morning, created by the drinks I had consumed the night before. As you will no doubt be aware, when you first start drinking one drink floors you, but gradually you manage more and more. Now it takes even more to do that. The alcohol itself hasn’t changed, only your body’s tolerance to the poison. Some people build up such a tolerance that, even while they are drinking, they still feel the need for a drink as the more they drink the greater the need and the greater the need, the more they drink.

  Most drinkers are not aware of the fact that it can take 72 to 240 hours for your body to get over the physical effects of alcohol. That is up to ten days to recover from the low caused by the drug. Some people describe this as withdrawal. Most of the time this is imperceptible to the addict as they are used to feeling this low and regard it as normal. If they have more than their tolerance level, they will become more aware of the low that causes a hangover. Their body then builds up even more of a tolerance to the drug which happens every time they exceed their usual tolerance level. After a while they believe that the ending of the low is a true high which is about the same as putting on a pair of tight ski boots, wearing them for a couple of days, just so that you can get the pleasure of taking them off again.

  Alcohol is a double-edged sword when it comes to creating the illusion. One is the partial ending of the physical low; the other is that it’s mind altering. Drinkers believe that this is where the pleasure really lies, but does it? We say that we drink to get ‘that’ feeling but what is that feeling?

  The feeling I thought I was enjoying is a short circuit in the brain – literally. People sometimes describe it as a feeling of being ‘light headed’ and say they enjoy the sensation. But isn’t that the same as feeling dizzy? Well spin around then, it will save you a fortune – but if you do try spinning and then walking straight, you will fall over which is worth remembering. I never drank alcohol to make me feel dizzy; I drank it for the same reasons that heroin addicts inject themselves. It was because I felt as though I could not enjoy myself or cope without my drug. I never consciously thought this as I believed that I was getting a genuine pleasure from alcohol and that I was choosing to drink. In fact I was never choosing to drink and I was certainly never getting genuine pleasure from drinking.

  Some argue that people laugh more when they’re on alcohol. In some cases this is true, but when I was seven years old and living in Halifax, I used to hang around with a bunch of similar aged kids who always had smiles on their faces from sniffing glue. Is this a good reason to sniff glue? Is it genuine happiness they are feeling? Do their inane expressions mean that glue sniffers are genuinely happier than those who don’t sniff glue? Of course not! However, the fact is that if you do drink alcohol …

  You Are Never Really You

  Alcohol removes your natural fears and you become unprotected and vulnerable. The part that controls our rational and intellectual thinking disappears and we become literally stupefied when alcohol takes effect – a state also known as inebriation.

  It is good to let your hair down once in a while and be a bit silly, I hear you cry. I agree and I do it frequently. You do not need alcohol for that; just look at children. At least when they do it, it is actually them so they can get the genuine pleasure of letting their hair down and fooling around. It would be fine if we could honestly enjoy that stupefied state but I believe that the biggest downside to being addicted to alcohol is that you are never really yourself. If you are taking the drug, you are not the real you; there is a part missing; you are incomplete. If you are not allowed to have some alcohol, you feel uptight and miserable so you are still not the real you. Alcohol takes away your natural senses so any feeling you have when under the influence is false. If we
step outside the trap for a second and take a real look at the situation, we can see clearly that alcohol does not make people genuinely happy and that there is no real pleasure to be had from drinking alcohol.

  Alcohol is a depressant. The longer you take a depressant the more depressed you become. This is an undisputed medical fact. If alcohol made people happy, then doctors would prescribe it as an anti-depressant on the NHS. If alcohol made people genuinely happy then, whenever they were really down and lonely, they could just sit indoors, drink a couple of bottles of wine or, better still, a bottle of scotch, and be as happy as pie again. The truth is, if you did that you would be even more depressed. If you are still in doubt then ask yourself why over 65 per cent of suicide attempts are alcohol related. If alcohol made you happy and merry why would you want to end it all? Surely when you are happy the last thing you would want to do is commit suicide?

  Am I suggesting that I have never been happy while having a drink? No, of course not. Sometimes I was bound to be happy when I was drinking; it’s the law of averages. I was happy not because of the drink but in spite of it. Really open your mind on this one and you will realise that it is never the drink that is making you happy as the alcohol never changes; it is only the occasions when you drink it and the people you are with.

  When people go to funerals it doesn’t matter how much they drink, they still feel sad. This is because it is a sad occasion. When people are at an exciting party with fun friends, they will be happy. This is because it is a happy occasion. At least, they should be happy but the sad truth was that if I was at a party and couldn’t drink for whatever reason, I would be miserable. It wasn’t that I was happy with alcohol but miserable if I couldn’t have it. I would say, ‘Parties are just not the same when you are not drinking’ but I only felt this way because I was like a child having a mini tantrum; I felt as though I was missing out. I also felt almost naked without a drink in my hand and that I could not enjoy myself in the same way without my drinking partner – alcohol. Yet the alcohol never provided any genuine pleasure or enjoyment and it certainly never made a party although I was convinced that it did.

  A party is always better when everybody has had a few drinks, isn’t it? Well, answer this question if you will. Have you ever been to a really lousy party? Have you ever been to one of those dos that were boring as hell with dull and miserable people? If you haven’t, I’d be very surprised. Let me ask you another question. Was there alcohol at this party? The answer is, of course, yes. I went to plenty of terrible parties and still do. Equally, you will probably have been to parties where you have been drinking and had a great time. So it’s obvious that it’s not the alcohol that determines whether you have a good evening but the company, the banter and the social aspect of being out with friends combined with the music and the dancing, but never the alcohol.

  I used to say that I could easily enjoy myself without alcohol and, to justify my drinking, would come up with at least two occasions when I did not drink and was OK. It was to show others and prove to myself that it was not out of dependency but choice.

  Answer this question. Each time you have had a drink, can you honestly say you have been happy? Have you ever been uptight or argumentative when drinking? Have you ever been stressed out, felt depressed or cried during a drinking session? Have you ever become obnoxious or unreasonable when drinking? Think about it. If you have experienced any of these emotions while drinking, then it should be blatantly obvious that alcohol does not make you happy. In theory, every time you drink alcohol you should be laughing and enjoying yourself but you can’t say that happens every time you drink, can you? If alcohol genuinely made you merry, wouldn’t you agree that it should work every time you drink the stuff?

  I bought into the idea that I could drown my sorrows in alcohol; after all, alcohol makes people happy doesn’t it? So when you are feeling down, it should perk you up. The reality is the opposite; if you drink while you feel depressed, you will feel even more depressed than you were to start with. Do people look happy when they are smashing bottles into people’s faces after drinking? ‘But Jason,’ you might say, ‘this is what can happen if you have too much but a little alcohol does make you cheerful.’ Hang on! Take too much alcohol and these things can happen but having a little makes you happy and merry? Who are we kidding? If alcohol makes you happy then surely the more you have, the happier you should feel, not the opposite? What is this ‘a little alcohol is OK’ business anyway? It is a drug and, as such, you are compelled to have more. Once you start drinking you have no real choice. You either continue drinking more and more, or you will have to exercise a degree of willpower, discipline and control in order not to increase your intake.

  Recently someone asked me whether I had stopped drinking because I couldn’t control my intake. I told them I had stopped because I did not want to control my intake any longer. It is a constant battle when you have to use willpower and discipline to try to stay in control. As I mentioned, it is the exercising of this control which means that you are not in fact in control. It is so nice to be free.

  The only reason why a little alcohol appears to create happiness is because it removes natural fears and satisfies your psychological dependency on the drug. The truth is, you should be happy at social gatherings anyway. In the following chapters I will explain why the removal of your natural fears (caused by this short circuit in the brain) creates all of these illusions. However, the fact is that at the moment you are in a situation where you cannot be happy without alcohol on these occasions. You can continue telling yourself and anyone who will listen that you enjoy a drink but can you take it or leave it? Are you really in control of your drinking or is the alcohol, either consciously or subconsciously, controlling you? I will tell you now that every single person who drinks alcohol regularly is not in control. Alcohol addicts are dependent. Most think they aren’t and believe they drink out of choice. The choice was never really ours to begin with so how do we know that it is our choice to continue to drink? It’s not always easy to know so let’s help clear up the confusion with this simple question that I have put to many drinkers, some with very little money and self-worth:

  ‘If I said to you that you could have a lottery win of £100,000, would you take it?’

  Of course everybody answers ‘yes.’ However, in order to keep the money there is just one tiny condition – you can never, ever drink alcohol again. What would you say? Would you have to think before making your decision? What decision would you make if you were honest with yourself? Would you take the money? I know what I would have said when I was hooked … stuff the money! What would be the point of all that money if you couldn’t enjoy yourself and never have a drink again, even to celebrate? Think of the holidays you could have with all that money but what would be the point if you couldn’t have a drink by the pool? Sod the money, let’s have a drink!

  That is the same answer I get from almost every drinker I have asked. At first, many said that they would take the money. I thought, ‘Surely not, if you’re honest.’ Then I realised that most of them were not being honest. That is, after all, the nature of drug addiction; it makes you try to prove you are not dependent and are in control. All drug addicts lie, including drinkers, not only to other people but also to themselves. When I really pressed them and asked, ‘Would it really not bother you that you could never drink ever again?’ They said, ‘Well if I am honest, not only would it bother me but, you are right, I wouldn’t do it. There is more to life than money.’ There is also more to life than alcohol but the addict does not see it that way.

  The reality is not that alcohol makes you happy; it’s that you are miserable without it. If you have drunk alcohol at every social occasion for years, you simply cannot imagine life without it. Your only reference to alcohol-free social gatherings is when you are forced not to drink because you are driving, on medication, being nagged, on the wagon or for some other reason. Your brain now tells you that a night without alcohol makes you unhapp
y and a night with alcohol makes you happy. But it’s not the alcohol making you happy, it’s just that you feel deprived when you can’t have it, so you are miserable. This is because you have always relied on alcohol to help you enjoy a social gathering.

  In the following chapters I will illustrate just how alcohol destroys your courage. Before you started drinking you relied on yourself and you were more than happy to do that. As I have explained, before you started drinking you could enjoy the highs without alcohol and handle the lows without the drug. Of course we had the usual fears, inhibitions, apprehensions and immaturity which all children experience but we quickly overcame them as we grew up. If you do not remember, look at children’s parties. The children walk in with the usual apprehension but within five minutes they have destroyed the place. They do not need alcohol, heroin, crack, cocaine or any other drug; they are already on a high, a natural high, feeling great just to be alive. However, the addict will never achieve this as the drug caused them to feel incomplete in the first place. The irony is that they could so easily be in the same position if they did not drink alcohol but they can’t as it is causing the very problem they are trying to solve.

  What is this marvellous and pleasurable effect we think we get from drinking anyway? Is it the pleasure of not being able to communicate properly? Is it the marvellous effect of losing all your senses so that you become immediately vulnerable and completely unprotected from danger? Is it the wonderful feeling of becoming totally stupefied? Is it the great effect of not being able to focus or walk properly? Is it the pleasurable effect of talking complete and utter rubbish for hours on end? Is it the wonderful sensation of vomiting? Is it the pleasure of blowing your mind so much that you become a completely different person? Is it the marvellous effect of destroying your memory so you don’t even recall your apparently wonderful experience anyway? Is it the marvellous and pleasurable effect of losing all the checkpoints between your brain and mouth so you get loud, aggressive, obnoxious, vulgar, nasty, hurtful, uptight, annoying, repetitive, pathetic, overemotional or abusive? Is it the marvellous effect of being out of control? Is it the wonderful effect of not being able to make love or show true love and affection because you are too ‘out of it’? Is it the pleasure of saying and doing things that you will regret for many years to come? Is it the great sensation of dizziness? Just tell me, where and what is this marvellous effect? To be honest, I don’t think you can as it just doesn’t exist. It’s one huge fallacy.